Chapter Nineteen: Casus Bella

I don't care if the Latin doesn't work exactly (we can pretend it's "Bella's Case", and that's sort of reasonable), my title is clever, damn it.

Bella is going to run away to Phoenix with Alice and Jasper, so that she can hopefully fool the tracker James by...going to her hometown and telling him that before she leaves. Only one thing to do first: convince Charlie that she's really headed back to Phoenix so that she can get away without Charlie suspecting she's in danger of being eaten.

Now, I'll admit, this is a tough task, and Bella had to bring out the big guns -- tears, screaming, tantrums -- but she gets downright cruel. After faking a breakup with Edward, she tells Charlie that she broke up with him because she doesn't want any roots in Forks.

Well, that sounds convincing, that should be more than enough for her to get away...wait, you have more for us, Bella?

"I don't want to end up trapped in this stupid, boring town like Mom! I'm not going to make the same dumb mistake she did."

Ouch, Bella, harsh. Well, time for her to go...oh, you've got more for Dad?

"Just let me go, Charlie."

Well, that's not so bad...except that she's repeating the last words her mother said before she left him. You're a mean one, Isabella Swan.

Anyway, she leaves with Edward to start her getaway, leaving a chagrined Charlie behind. It seems James heard the end of her little speech, meaning he won't think she went to Phoenix (again, sure, whatever you say Stephenie). Edward tries to be reassuring. Bella says she won't be okay when she's away from Edward. Barf.

Edward explains that to James, this is a game, and the fact that a whole family is protecting Bella makes it even more tempting, as James gets a special achievement if he can win this game on the HARD difficulty level. Edward thinks the only way to stop James is by killing him, leading Bella to ask a good question - how do you kill a vampire? The only way to be sure, Edward says, is to tear them apart and then burn the pieces.

So, let's recap how Twilight sparklepires work. They have the following strengths:

• Super speed.
• Super strength.
• Godlike attractiveness.
• Nearly impossible to kill.
• Perfect in every way.
  

They have the following weaknesses:

• Sometimes seem a lot like creepy old men.
• Cold, brr!

So, essentially, these vampires are unstoppable monsters that humans couldn't dream of stopping, particularly in groups. Why exactly do they feel the need to hide themselves? Taking over the world and running human farms seems like a much better idea. Mmm, free range human!

Anyway, they get back to the Cullen residence, where Laurent is still hanging out. He provides some repetitive information (James is a tracker! He is hard to stop!) before refusing to take sides and leaving them to their plans. Esme will work on keeping Victoria off the scent, while Edward and Carlisle will hunt James. Alice and Jasper's job is to take Bella to Phoenix, while Rosalie fills the important role of "bitch." It's a real team effort!

And with some more anguished goodbyes, they're off. Bella still thinks she's not worth the trouble, but since most of the Cullens haven't spent over 400 pages listening to her whine, they apparently disagree.