Chapter Fourteen: WOLF FIGHT!

The other werewolves aren't very happy to see Bella, thinking she'll ruin everything. I mean, she always does that, right? Jacob defends her, and when one of the other boys (Paul) gets out of line, Sam uses his magic Alpha wolf powers to calm him down. But Paul can't stay calm for long, and bam - he turns into a giant wolf! And then Jacob turns into a giant wolf to protect Bella!

FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

Now here's a huge shock: guess which one of the wolves is bigger, stronger, and a better fighter? Jacob might not be perfect (then he'd be Edward), but he's about as perfect as a werewolf can be, of course. Just like Bella is the perfect selfish klutz who can't figure anything out, which explains why Edward wants her so much. Well, that and her freesia blood.

The fight heads into the forest, where Sam follows to break it up. The other boy/wolves aren't worried; apparently, Paul flies off the handle a lot, and these fights never leave anyone dead. Bella goes back to Emily's house. Emily is Sam's fiancee. Dating a werewolf is a lot like dating a vampire, making it completely consequence free except for the GIANT SCARS RUNNING DOWN THE RIGHT SIDE OF HER FACE OH GOD! Yes, it's another example of a healthy Twilight relationship: Sam permanently scars Emily, but it's okay because he loves her and he would never ever do it again. Really.

So yeah, werewolves are dangerous. But Bella gets over it quickly because Emily makes good muffins, and a good muffin can take the tension out of any situation. Bella notices that Emily and the pack interact with each other like a family. Much like the Cullens do. See? Vampires and werewolves aren't that different! If you aren't getting that now, don't worry, it'll become apparent when Meyer makes a dozen other "subtle" comparisons between the two groups.

When Sam gets back, he basically makes out with Emily right in front of Bella, causing her to grab at her hole. Then Jacob comes in -- predictably unharmed, of course. It also turns out that werewolves have super fast healing abilities, an ability the author gave them for one of two reasons: either it was the one thing she forgot to give to vampires, or she got confused and thought that Wolverine of X-Men fame was a werewolf. Both seem equally plausible to me.

Today's topic of discussion: Victoria and her deepest desires, namely eating Bella for lunch. The new plan is to use Bella as bait, having her spend as much time in La Push as possible. When Bella asks them to be careful hunting the vampire, all the boys laugh, because they were made to kill vampires, and if you haven't noticed, have a pretty good record on that account so far. But Emily and Bella worry, because that's what women do. At least, I think that's the message I was supposed to get from this scene.

Charlie comes to pick up Bella, while the wolf pack goes on patrol. Bella can't come up with a good excuse to spend all night in La Push, when Victoria is most likely to attack her, so I'm not sure exactly how she'll make good bait for them...but whatever. Bella wonders if she's a hypocrite -- if Edward did still go around eating people these days, would she still love him so much? She thinks she would, because apparently whether or not boys drink human blood isn't something she considers when getting into a relationship.

The chapter ends with yet another of Bella's amazingly literal dreams. She's back in the forest, this time with Emily, holding hands as they worry about the wolves. You know, the five of them who are hunting one vampire who has done exactly nothing of note in this entire series and doesn't seem to have any special abilities. Somehow, Bella, I think they'll survive.