Chapter Five: Werewolves are creepy young men.

Jacob and Bella walk hand in hand down the beach, discussing the latest gossip. Who's a werewolf now? The answer's Quil, who is really down with the whole wolf thing. How much trouble is Bella going to be in when she goes back to Edward? The answer's a whole lot, since he's not keen on her hanging out with werewolves.

Bella's a little frustrated that her boys are ready to kill each other. Why can't they behave, just because they're creatures destined to hate each other forever? And at least Edward tries, if you consider vehicular sabotage a good thing.

Anyway, Bella wants to hear about what Sam went though. It seems that Sam, being the first werewolf in a few generations of Quileutes, had it rough. By the way, just in the middle of typing this paragraph, I realized that Quil's name is the root of Quileute. Who knew? Anyway, Sam was freaked out (and who could blame him?), and it took him two weeks to turn back into a human form. When he came back, the tribal elders -- including his dad -- who remembered their grandfathers having been all werewolf-y explained things to Sam, including the fact that there would surely be more little wolves to follow.

There were other nice things about being a werewolf too. You become really hot (temperature joke!), you don't have to age until you decide to retire from werewolf duty (Bella really hates that one), and you get an immediate growth spurt that turns you into a freaking giant and ages you several years (Bella is more okay with that).

At the time, he was dating Leah Clearwater, who was worried sick about her boyfriend vanishing for a couple weeks. Once he got back, he wasn't allowed to tell her what was going on, but they still managed to make the relationship work...until Leah's cousin Emily came to town. And then, Sam imprinted on Emily.

What's imprinting, you ask? Basically, werewolves see their soul mate, and immediately become entirely and eternally committed to them. Nobody else matters nearly as much, and nothing can stop them from being whatever the person they imprinted on needs. The other person has a choice, of course, but how could they resist that level of attention and care?

Ouch. Sucks to be you, Leah. And Sam hates himself for it too, at least a little; he basically broke every promise he ever made Leah and ran off with her cousin.

So, why does this make werewolves creepy young men? You see, imprinting can happen at any time...even if the other person is much, much younger. Like, a toddler. Granted, it's not like they'll want to sleep with said toddler (at least not for a few years), but still...

Jacob and Bella sit around and chat for a while longer. After a couple of boring pages, Bella asks Jacob exactly what he did to make Edward squirm in the school parking lot. Jacob is very proud of himself -- he thought about Sam's awful memory (which he has seen, thanks to the werewolves' super pack powers) of finding Bella in the woods after he left, beaming it right into Edward's head in crystal clear high definition picture. But for some strange reason, Bella doesn't approve, and makes Jacob reluctantly promise never to do such a mean thing ever again.

Alas, all good things must come to an end, and it's time for Bella to get back before Alice gets too worried and orders a vampire invasion of La Push. Bella promises to come back the next time Edward goes hunting. She also tries to order a moratorium on all supernatural ethnic slurs, because she doesn't care who's a werewolf or a vampire or a demon or a mermaid or a Virgo: she likes everyone. Luckily, Jacob's a pushover and goes along with this, even though he wants nothing more than to go vampire hunting. Bella and Jacob miss each other a lot, and Bella promises to come back as soon as she can.

At least, as soon as her perfect boyfriend and his family allow her to. Remember what they always say: if you love someone, restrict their movements and friendships as much as possible.