Chapter Twenty-Four: Dewey beats Bella!

Edward and Bella head over to the Cullen estate, ready for a big vote on whether or not Bella gets to be a vampire. There is no way Bella wins this vote. I mean, if Edward were going to lose, he wouldn't have let Bella get the vote in the first place, and since Edward can see what his whole family is thinking, he must know he's going to win. It's in the bag!

It seems that Bella doesn't think she's good enough for Edward, and that she's still afraid he might leave. That's her biggest problem in the world. Her life is so hard. Funny story: Edward didn't take all of her Edward-related stuff; he just hid it under the floorboards of her room. Apparently, over the last year, she never bothered to check under there.

And then Bella tells Edward about Headward. Oh God. Edward is a little freaked out by this, but at this point, there's not really a graceful way to get out of the relationship. Plus, now he knows she might really off herself if he disappears again. He's stuck for at least a human lifetime, and that's if he wins this big vote.

But thinking back, Bella has an epiphany. She thinks about Edward, and comes to a startling conclusion: he loves her.

Wait, that counts as an epiphany? The thing he's been constantly telling you since about a week after you first met him? REALLY? Sigh. I'm skipping a few pages of this schlock.

Okay, so, a couple pages later, they reach Edward's house and get Carlisle to gather the family. Everyone gathers around the ironic dining room table and prepares to listen to the final debate before they head out to the polls. Edward seems fairly confident, so with his mind-reading abilities, I'm certain he'll win. Let's continue!

Bella's argument: the Volturi expect Bella to become a vampire. Now that the Cullens are caught up in this, they deserve to vote on her fate. She believes that making her a vampire will mollify the Volturi, making everyone's life easier and giving her exactly what she wants.

Edward's argument: the Volturi are overconfident; their tracker, Demetri, tracks people by following the "flavor" of their minds. Bella is immune to the vampires' mind abilities, and when Alice sees the Volturi coming, they can simply hide Bella until they leave. If the Volturi come after the Cullens for this, Edward is confident that he can take care of himself, which his brothers seem 100% behind, though the women in the family are less excited about this part of the plan.

Okay, Edward, not the best argument I've ever heard, and I'm concerned you may have lost a vote or two. But since you can READ MINDS AND SHOULD KNOW IF YOU'RE GOING TO WIN OR NOT, I'm still expecting you to pull things out in a 4-3 squeaker.

Roll call time! Vote yea for Bella becoming a member of the family Cullen, and nay for her staying human.

Edward: NAY (Duh.)
Alice: YEA (Also duh -- Alice wants to take her vampginity herself.)
Jasper: YEA (Really?)
Rosalie: NAY (That a girl, Rosie. She says she would have stayed human if she had the choice.)
Emmett: YEA (Actually, "Hell, yes!" was how he put it.)
Esme: YEA (Bella's already a member of her family as far as she's concerned.)

This may be the biggest electoral upset in world history! Bella has already clinched a majority with one vote to spare.

But wait, this isn't a democracy -- it's a vamptatorship. The only vote that really matters is Carlisle's. So as long as he votes the right way...

Carlisle: YEA

My god, Bella won something! This is incredible! Carlisle reasons that her becoming a vampire is the only way that makes sense if Edward and Bella are going to have a relationship that will work long term.

So, Bella, always one to win gracefully, asks Alice if they can do it immediately. Really Bella? Don't want to take a few days to get ready first? Maybe say goodbye to Mom and Dad? No?

Edward freaks out, understandably. Alice does too, because she's not ready to take Bella's vampginity; she's afraid she'd kill the poor girl instead. So Bella asks Carlisle to do it instead. He gives a very stoic answer: he's able to do it without killing her.

Edward makes one last argument, however; there's no reason for it to be done right away. For instance, Bella might not want to suddenly disappear from the world without getting some sort of closure with her family or Jacob. And she might want to finish high school first, if for no other reason then to not garner suspicion about Bella and the Cullens suddenly disappearing. A compromise is reached: Carlisle will take Bella's vampginity only after graduation. It's a little creepy that Edward's DAD is going to do it to his girlfriend, but at least she'll be happy (and presumably, a lot less clumsy).

Bella needs to get home before Charlie notices she snuck out in the middle of the night, so Edward takes her back. When they get Bella back into bed, Edward again tries to play Let's Make a Deal, though his bargaining position leaves a lot to be desired. He does have one ace in the hole: Bella would really like it more if Edward could do it rather than his adopted father. So, Edward asks what she's willing to trade in exchange for the privilege of his venom.

Five years? No. Three years? No.

Bella counters with six months, which Edward balks at. When Bella won't even give him two years -- god forbid Bella have to reach the horrid, elderly age of 20! -- he comes up with a new condition: Bella has to marry him first. Definitely no allegory here, folks.

Charlie wakes up and comes to see Bella, while Edward does the adult thing and hides in the closet. Charlie's pissed off that his daughter disappeared for a few days, but somehow Bella comes out as the defiant one, threatening to move out if he tries to send her to Florida to live with mom and the minor league washout. She also comes up with a story...sort of. She says it was an emergency, and a "he said, she said" that got out of control. It's all very flimsy, but Charlie doesn't want to deal with a teenage romance any more than I do, so he just forbids her from dating Edward and leaves it at that. Of course, Bella just threatens to move out and live with Edward...again. It's her only move, but it's a good one!

And so, Charlie backs down a little. Bella's still grounded, and the Edward situation is tabled for later discussion. After he leaves the room, Bella points out to Edward (who comes out of the closet...hehe) that if Charlie did throw her out, there'd be no reason to wait to become a vampire. Edward doesn't want Bella to lose her soul so quickly, but Bella points out that even he thinks Carlisle might be right, that Good Vampires Go To Heaven.

And with that, New Moon is over. Except for the Epilogue...