Chapter Four: Zombies? I thought these books were about vampires.

It's been four months, and Charlie's had it -- he wants to send Bella back to live with her mom. She hasn't done anything wrong; it's more that she hasn't done anything at all. Even moping, she says, though I find that very hard to believe. Bella and moping go together like...Bella and tripping over things.

Charlie points out to Bella that she's not the first person to deal with a breakup. Hell, he went through one himself with her mom, and you know, they actually spent many years together, were deeply in love, had a child, and everything else that never happened in Bella and Edward's SUPER-DEEP SPARKLY RELATIONSHIP. So when he suggests she might need some help, you'd think she'd understand that he might know what he's talking about, because he's been there, and it had to be worse for him, even if Renee wasn't godlike and perfect. Bella hand waves this away to herself by reasoning that she can't be truthful with a therapist, because they wouldn't believe that vampires sparkle.

Still, Charlie isn't happy, and so to make an effort, she says she'll make plans with Jessica (one of the characters we all forgot about from the first book, because she's merely a non-Swan human) to go see a movie in Port Angeles. Jessica pretty much hates Bella now, and who can blame her? In her case, it's because Bella has been entirely anti-social ever since Mr. Godlike left town. But when Bella presses her, she virtually turns into Moviefone.

If you'd like information on that movie with the female president, press one!

*Bella presses one*

I'm sorry, that movie is out of the theater! If you'd like to see a romantic comedy that will remind you of your failed relationship with a vampire, press two! If you'd like to see a zombie flick, press three!

*beep!*

Bella thinks a zombie movie will really hit the spot. After all, zombies are way less sexy than vampires, and people getting eaten won't remind her of the Cullens at all.

On the way to the movie, Jessica makes conversation, which Bella smiles and nods her way through. Then during the movie, she leaves to get popcorn when the film starts out with a couple NOT getting eaten. Then, at the end of the film, she realizes that she resembles one of the characters -- and it's the zombie, not the clumsy human.

Gee, why is it that nobody likes her again?

After the movie, the girls head out to find dinner. On the way there they pass a bar, in which Bella sees some men that look vaguely like the ones that attacked her last time she was in Port Angeles. Now, Bella has an urge to be reckless, just to defy Edward's orders. But what she does here isn't reckless -- it's stupid and potentially suicidal. She approaches the men who she believes wanted to mug and/or rape her just a year ago to say hello. Usually, something being "reckless" implies that there's a payoff, it's just not worth the risk being taken. This is just nonsensical.

But no harm done, as these are not the men who nearly hurt her last year; these are just creepy older men (no, not vampires, but that's a common mistake) who don't mind hitting on an 18-year-old walking by. As she approaches them though, she hears Edward's voice, reminding her not to be reckless...and as she attempts to defy it, she keeps hearing him. This gives Bella another brilliant Bella idea: if she keeps doing stupid things, she can keep having hallucinations and hear the voice of Edward being angry with her!

It's stupid, but it does come from an understandable place: she doesn't want to forget Edward or the other Cullens. She's become numb to the pain of loss, but even though she doesn't think of them, it's important that she not forget them either.

Not surprisingly, her behavior really pisses off Jessica, who more or less refuses to talk to her for the rest of the night. In a way, it's her own fault for giving Bella a chance -- we, the readers, would have known better. Bella goes home, and the pain returns...only now, she can handle it, because she's grown stronger. Took you long enough! Now she finally feels awake, which means she might finally be out of her zombie phase.

I think this means that instead of those four months she spent moping by not moping, we now get to read about her moping by...actually being mopey. Lucky me!