Chapter Three: Fight, fight, fight!

We pick up the story as Edward and Bella return from visiting Renee in Florida. Bella's mom was very perceptive about their relationship, realizing just how close the two of them were, and how dependent Bella is on her sparkly hero. Renee thinks the whole thing is a little weird (good eye, Renee!), but Bella convinces her not to be concerned, rationalizing to herself that her mom won't miss her much when she's a vampire anyway.

Bella comes home to find out that Jacob has been calling all day, every five minutes, desperate to talk to her. Within minutes, he's called again, and wants to know if Bella will be at school tomorrow. When she says yes, he hangs up. If it was that important to you, Jacob, you could have just asked Charlie, you know. Bella thinks about it, and speculates that Jacob was checking to see if she were still human. Umm, Bella, I don't think that's the first thing I'd jump to if someone asked me if I'd be at school the next day. You might be trying a little too hard, okay?

The next morning at school, Edward continues his perfect habit of telling Bella what to do. It seems Jacob has shown up at Forks High School just to talk to Edward in a public place, and Edward doesn't want Bella to take part in the conversation. In a rare moment of assertiveness, Bella ignores what Edward wants and jumps out to try and defuse a potential supernatural skirmish in the parking lot. It would be soooo embarrassing with all her friends there to see it!

Turns out there was a little incident on the La Push border, where Paul (werewolf) and Emmett (sparklepire) had a minor scuffle when they were busy doing...something that Edward hasn't told Bella about. It takes her a minute, but she does eventually get there: it's Victoria. She's back, and ready to be the one evil vampire who fails to kill Bella in this novel, following the roles played by James (Twilight) and Laurent (New Moon).

Jacob has the crazy idea that maybe Bella should be allowed to know what's going on, but Edward is much too perfect to let anything like that happen. Lying is always the best answer! As a special reminder, Jacob thinks about the time when Bella nearly died (which one?), making the mind-reading Edward cringe. Well played, Jacob Black! That's one awesome point for you. He earns another one for pointing out that Edward is just a tad overprotective, a charge that Bella rejects (because if that were true, Edward most certainly wouldn't be perfect, therefore it must be untrue).

What Jacob really wants, though, is just to hang out with Bella again. For a reason nearly as inexplicable as why Bella and Edward are together, Bella and Jacob are best friends, and it kind of sucks when a vampire stands in the way of them having fun together. Alas, the principal shows up to break up the parking lot excitement, sending Jacob away from campus and the two lovebirds to class.

In English, Bella and Edward pass notes to each other. Apparently, one of Edward's special abilities is immaculate handwriting! Turns out nothing serious happened between the werewolves and vampires; just a tense moment as each side chased Victoria on their own. After playing a fun game of "how would you protect me if we were in a deadly plane crash?," Bella gets Edward to promise to tell her next time there's an evil vampire on the loose trying to kill her.

Later in the day, Bella hears gossip about who's going to win the Fight of the Century: Edward Cullen vs. Jacob Black! Opinions are sharply divided. Mike and Austin are on Team Jacob, because he's freaking huge. Ben and Mike think it's Team Edward all the way, because he's always so confident and can get backup from his gigantic vampire brothers. In any case, it would be the most interesting sporting event in Forks history, which is why the boys (and of course, only the boys) are so interested in gambling on the outcome. The only thing they aren't sure of is what the fight's about...though they all guess Bella. Geniuses, every one of them!

That's it for the chapter. Next week, on pay-per-view: Edward vs. Jacob, with an undercard of Charlie vs. Phil and a werewolves vs. vampire battle royale! Or not. Have you learned nothing, dear readers? You don't think Stephenie Meyer would let anything quite that exciting happen, do you?