Chapter Thirteen: Once Upon a Sparklepire in Mexico

It's a Cullen tradition -- the kids sit around the Jasper, ready for a their nightly story. Tonight though, the story is a rerun, so only Bella and Edward are tuning in. It's Jasper's origin story, tonight on the Vampire Channel: all sparkle, all the time.

But first, Jasper's backstory requires yet more background information before you can really understand it. It's backstories on top of backstories, all the way to the bottom! You see, unlike the relatively quiet and secluded vampires who live in the Northern states, the Southern vampires couldn't care less about being found out by humans. They only stay as secretive as they do out of respect and fear for the Volturi. Mostly, they spend their time getting into wars over who can claim the most populated areas as their territory.

It seems that a vampire with the not at all stereotypical name of Benito came up with the all-time best strategy for eliminating his enemies. He took out covens throughout Texas and Mexico by creating armies of newborn vampires. These newborns are difficult to control, but extremely strong, even by vampire standards. Of course, they had no skill or strategic insights, but if they got a hold of you, it was already over. Benito also built a large army to make sure that he always had a numerical advantage over his enemies.

Of course, the Mexican vampires got wise pretty quickly, and started making their own armies of sparkly newborns. Of course, this took a huge toll on the human population, while at the same time being hellish for the vampire population as well. Eventually, the Volturi stepped in and cleaned house, destroying almost the entire vampire population of Mexico in retribution for the problems they had caused. ¡Ay, caramba!

So, yeah, nobody tried THAT again.

Anyway, the urge to conquer soon came to the South again, but this time, the sparklepires were more careful. Sometimes someone would go too far and draw too much attention, and the Volturi would show up again. But if you were a good little sparklepire and only made as many bloodthirsty newborns as you absolutely needed to, they had no beef with you.

And that brings us to Jasper. He was the youngest major in the Confederate Army, able to sway people to his will even as a normal human. During a skirmish in Galveston, he was charged with taking civilians to Houston. On his way back, he ran into three super hot chicks. A little too hot.

*story edited by Jasper for graphic content*

A few days later, Jasper wakes up to live with his immortal female creators. Maria is the one who actually turned him, while Nettie and Lucy rounded out this gang. Maria was determined to turn "talented" humans into vampires so that she could have the bestest army ever. She trained these vampires as much as possible, preparing them for battle, even letting the strong kill the weak as a combination of entertainment and a way to produce the strongest army possible. Jasper's ability comes in handy, making it easier for everyone -- especially the newborns -- to work together despite their instincts. He soon became the leader of Maria's little army.

Many battles followed, with Jasper's army winning most of them. Of course, there was a lot of turnover, but even when other vampire covens came to challenge them, and Nettie and Lucy turned against them, they managed to hold onto their stronghold in Monterrey. They kept their newborn population around a steady dozen, keeping the most useful ones and culling others when they were no longer useful.

After a few decades, Jasper made a friend named Peter. He was a useful sparklepire, and was put in charge of babysitting the newborns. Peter didn't like the whole "killing" thing, and when they were instructed to kill off an entire crew of newborns, Peter was furious, and refused to take part. Peter ran away, and Jasper let him go.

Peter comes back five years later to talk to Jasper. Peter met a vampire lady named Charlotte, and found out that up North, things weren't nearly as crazy. This appeals to Jasper, who really doesn't give a shit about Maria and her little wars. Traveling with Peter and Charlotte was nice, but Jasper still felt horrible every time he hunted, because he could feel the emotions of his victims just as he could influence the emotions of those around them.

Sometime around his 100th birthday, Jasper hung out in Philadelphia for a while, and walked into a diner...where Alice was waiting for him. She told him how she'd seen Carlisle family act, and Jasper suddenly felt hope. Maybe he didn't have to be depressed and moody all the time! They moved in, and they lived happily ever after until Jasper tried to kill Bella last year. The end!

The point of the story? Jasper is sure a small army of newborn vampires is loose in Seattle, and it's only a matter of time before the Volturi show up to kick a little ass. If they want to prevent that, the Cullens will have to take out the newborns first. Edward makes a fairly astute observation, though: since there's no vampire coven in Seattle these newborns could possibly be intended to fight, isn't it most likely that they're meant for the nearest family in the neighborhood -- the Cullens? Perhaps the newly-sparkled ones will come after them instead.

Theories fly around the room again. Could it be that the Volturi are behind this, using an intermediary to direct the attack and draw attention away from themselves? Edward did see that Aro both wanted Edward and Alice at his side, and feared the Cullen family getting any larger than it already was.

But Carlisle and Jasper agree that this is unlikely. The Volturi will do a lot of things, but they've always followed the rules they set forth. Something about this is way too sloppy for swanky Italian vampires to be behind it.

Regardless of who is behind it, Jasper thinks they'll need help. The first call is to the family up in Denali. However, Irina is not interested in helping our favorite vampires out. You see, she had a little fling with Laurent, so she has issues with the La Push werewolves. Her and her family will only help if they can have permission to take out the wolf pack first. No deal!

So, Jasper figures up the odds. They'll be outnumbered, but have all the logistical and strategic advantages. He figures they'll win...but chances are that not everyone will make it out alive. What will the price be for their victory?

Whatever price the Cullens might pay, it's nothing compared to the toll the next 300 pages of this book will take on me. Hopefully, both the sparklepires and I will survive...but it won't be easy.