Chapter Fifteen: What's a little sexual assault between friends?

Nice job, Jacob. Now Bella's freaked out. She doesn't want Jacob out of her life, but she doesn't want the same things he wants for her -- things like mortality, a lack of vampire boyfriends, and a sudden increase in the number of werewolf boyfriends. They agree that they've both been very mean to each other, but Jacob, great friend that he is, agrees never to give up until her heart stops beating. That sounds really impressive, but considering her plans, it might only be a few weeks; that's not much of a commitment, even for a teenage werewolf.

Bella says that she doesn't need another option; she only wants Edward. But Jacob thinks she should have options. He's a real gentleman, and presents Bella with the following choices:

Option 1: Have Jacob use his werewolf strength to force himself on her, kissing her even while she resists. This is the only option.

Bella, having chosen of her own free will to have Jacob assault her with his mouth, sits there and takes it for a few seconds. It's not like she could get away; even pushing with all of strength wasn't enough to so much as get a reaction out of Jake.

Finally, when he realizes she's not exactly kissing him back, Jacob backs off a little. Bella considers the situation for a moment before punching Jacob squarely in the mouth. Of course, this only hurts Bella, because her friend is a gigantic werewolf.

Jacob convinces Bella to let him drive her home, since she's probably broken something in her hand, and walking doesn't seem prudent under the current circumstances. On the car ride home, Jacob continues trying to convince Bella that he's the man for her, because he's warm blooded and she wouldn't have to turn into a vampire. Jacob, buddy, I know you're young, but if you have to explain why they should be dating you, it's already waaaay too late. Also, after you sexually assault a girl is not the best time to ask them to break up with their boyfriend. Really, your handling of this situation has left something to be desired.

Jacob takes Bella home -- to her dad's house, not to the Cullens, where she'd be able to get medical attention. Charlie wants an explanation for why Bella is hurt, and Jacob tells him the truth: she punched him after he tried to kiss her.

Now, granted, I know Charlie doesn't have all the details, and I know he likes Jacob. But I still find it hard to believe a father would react to the news that a guy forced himself on his daughter by congratulating him! Sigh.

Edward comes to pick up Bella, and despite being just a little pissed at Jacob for kissing his girlfriend, manages to be cool about the whole thing and calmly leaves with Bella. Jacob continues his new penchant for excellent decision making by following them out. Edward kind of wants to hurt Jacob, but decides a warning will suffice for now -- he'll only hurt Jacob if Bella gets hurt or Jacob tries to kiss her against her will again. If Bella's okay with Jacob kissing her, Edward's cool with it to. No, really, he swears!

But he's going to fight for Bella too, even harder than Jacob! This leads to the style of taunting you expect two first-graders to engage in.

"Nuh-uh, I'll fight twice as hard!"

"Oh yeah, well I'll fight 100 times as hard!"

"Infinity times!"

"Infinity plus one times!!"

Hey guys, Bella gets a say in this too, right? Right?

Anyway, Edward drives Bella over to Carlisle so he can take care of her hand. It turns out Emmett and Jasper have been betting on Bella. Specifically, they have an outstanding bet on the number of innocent people Bella will kill in her first year as a sparklepire. Jasper took the over; Rosalie thinks he's got a good shot, considering Bella's temper. What a hilarious thing to gamble on! For some reason, Bella isn't quite as amused...

Turns out Bella's hand was mostly okay, just some slight damage in one knuckle. But the bet makes Bella think. What if she isn't the world's most perfect sparklepire right off the bat? What if she's bloodthirsty and uncontrollable, like all the other newborns? Is it possible that maybe being human isn't the most horrible thing in the Twilight universe after all? Bella's sure she still wants to sparkle eventually, but it occurs to her that there might be a human experience she wants before then, which she's still sure she'll want Edward like she wants him now. Whatever sort of experience could that be? Hmm...