Chapter Three: She wrote it, so I have to write about it.

There is almost nothing I could do to make this chapter interesting. I could lie, and say that in a shocking twist, a tag-team army of zombies and faeries came and massacred all of the characters from the first three books, but I think we'd all know that didn't really happen. There are no zombies or faeries in these books. Or unicorns. I think they could use some unicorns.

So, it's the big day. Bella is nervous, of course, and hardly slept the night before. Charlie's still grumpy about having to dress up for the wedding, but I don't get why -- everyone looks great when they get dressed up!

Speaking of dressing up, Alice picks up Bella and takes her to get dressed and made up and all that. Really, this is horrifyingly boring for me, and while I imagine some girls might get more out of reading about another girl playing dress-up with the help of vampire girls (Rosalie even helps out, aww), for me it's pure torture. Bella, of course, is entirely convinced that no matter how good a job Alice does, she'll still be ugly compared to the sparkly girls all around her. Bella, you really shouldn't be having sex become a vampire just to boost your self-esteem or make other people like you better.

Bella has the requisite meetings with her parents, then heads downstairs for the ceremony. She comes out to Pachelbel's Canon (gee, that's original), almost falls down the stairs, and spends about a second admiring the bazillion flowers Alice has used to decorate the Cullen home. Of course, then she sees Edward, and instead of being nervous about falling, she wants to run right up front and be with her oh-so-perfect sparkle god. She finally gets there, they say the vows. She says "I do," and then Edward shocks everyone by eating Bella in front of the entire wedding. They react with thunderous applause, as even Charlie gives Edward a pat on the back.

Sorry, I daydreamed for a bit there. No, Edward says "I do," and they kiss (even in public, Bella can't pull away from him and he has to push her away to end the kiss -- he's THAT PERFECT), and all is right in Bellaland. Lots of family and friends come up to hug Bella, but she barely notices, because she's Mrs. Edward Sparklepire Cullen now, so mere mortals have no place in her life.

Yeah, that was boring. Don't worry, the honeymoon is going to be a LOT more fun.