Chapter Four: No wedding is complete without a death threat.

It's time for the wedding reception, which promises to be almost as exciting as the wedding itself! A lot of people congratulate the new couple, including Seth Clearwater, who seems to be the wolf who likes the Cullens the best. Oh, the rest are coming around too, in so much as they won't kill them on sight anymore, but Seth's very buddy-buddy with Edward now. In a completely heterosexual way, of course.

And then Bella meets humans and vampires and werewolves, oh my! They all love her and Edward soooo much. They cut the cake and throw the garter and dance their first dance, and I can imagine the starry-eyed look in Stephenie Meyer's face while she was writing this, because it's pretty much wedding porn.

Bella dances with all her friends, and Edward wants to kill them because they all want her because she looks really, really hot today. Bella actually doesn't believe it until she looks at her reflection and sees just how great she looks. She's pretty much perfect, which will become a recurring theme throughout this novel.

But the wedding isn't quite perfect yet, and that just can't be, so Meyer gets right on fixing that. Look who shows up as a surprise -- it's Jacob! Bella's happy as a clam now that her best man/wolf is here. Oh sure, there's that whole thing of them ALSO being in love, but Edward doesn't seem to mind. They dance together, and Jacob tries to be as good as possible about not letting on how much it sucks to see her getting married right before she turns into a sparklepire. He's kind of out of practice for being human, since he's been running around all wolfy for the past few months, but he manages not to howl at the moon or rip off his clothes and chase after a rabbit or anything like that during their dance.

Turns out Sam and some of the other wolves are hanging near the party just in case Jacob goes nuts, as he's known to do. But Jacob says he just wants to be there to be Bella's best friend, so he won't cause any trouble. Oh, he'll be whiny, but other than that, he's totally going to be good. It's a promise!

Jacob asks for and gets a second dance. Bella says he can have as many as he wants, but he cuts it off at two, since his preferred number is somewhere in the range of infinity. It's all very sweet and sappy and everyone is happy, la la la! But this is Bella and Jacob, so we know it can't last. How can't this moment be ruined as quickly as possible? Here's the five step plan:

1. Jacob asks when she'll be a sparklepire.
2. Bella says in a week or two, so she won't have to spend her honeymoon in pain.
3. Jacob asks why that matters, since she can't have a real honeymoon while she's human anyway.
4. Bella says that she can and will have a real honeymoon.
5. Jacob processes this. Oh. OH!

Jacob is pissed about the sex. I mean, he's not happy to think of her sleeping with Edward anyway, but as a human, there's the extra risk of deadness.

Sensing that his buddy is losing control of the situation, Seth comes over to hold Jacob back, and Edward arrives on the scene as well. Jacob threatens to kill Edward right then and there, which doesn't seem entirely in line with his promise to be good at the wedding, but what do I know? I've never planned one of these things; maybe the death threat toward the groom is simply a werewolf tradition or something.

Sam and possibly Quil come out in wolf form to make sure a fight doesn't start, and the whole La Push crew drags Jacob away to make sure there isn't a scene. Jacob is the best friend ever! Seriously, literally in this very chapter, just a few pages ago, Bella was saying how she didn't deserve a friend as good as Jacob. Wonder how she feels about that now...oh, she blames herself. Of course she does.

There's some more dancing, and then Alice comes to tell the newlyweds that if they don't leave soon, they'll miss their flight. After a little bit of a fuss, Alice manages to get Bella to change into her going-away dress. Bella says goodbye to her parents and everyone else, has some rice thrown at her, and then the new Mr. and Mrs. Cullen get into their car and head for the airport so they can get started on their mystery honeymoon.

Where are they going? What will they do there? How much detail will we get when it comes to vampire sex? All that and more in the next edition of Breaking Dawn!