Chapter Twenty-nine: Let's all whine, that'll make things better.

Does anyone still read these? I don't think I've gotten a comment in a while!

Everyone is sad. They tell Jacob, and he's sad too. I mean, I guess having a massive army of the world's most powerful (politically, and probably in combat terms too) sparklepires coming to kill you all would be something that would ruin your day. But if it were me, I'd do something a little more proactive than sitting around and moping about it.

Alice is gone for a while, and everyone starts to worry, because she's never taken this long before to...do whatever it is she's doing. Of course, she failed to take a few seconds to tell everyone where she was going, as that would remove most of the dramatic tension while we wait for her perfectly timed return. I'm sure there will be some lame plot justification too, just you wait!

So they track Alice's scent, and it turns out she and Jasper took a trip through wolf country. Sam himself escorted them to the ocean, during which time she mysteriously asked him not to tell Jacob about it until Sam had a chance to tell Edward first. Then, she gave him a note to pass along to the Cullens when they came looking for her. What a delightfully circuitous plan!

The note is ripped from Bella's copy of The Merchant of Venice, which I'm sure has no meaning whatsoever. The note itself is pretty standard, asking the Cullens not to look for them, apologizing for leaving on short notice, and to find as many friends as possible before the Volturi show up. Sam whines about how the wolves would never leave each other in a time of crisis, and how they wouldn't run away from a fight, and how Renesmee is a part of Jacob is a part of the pack, and therefore they'll stand by the Cullens even if some of the Cullens won't.

Bella whines to herself about how if Alice is giving up, it must be hopeless. Of course, the tone of the note doesn't suggest that she's leaving permanently; in fact, she points out that she's going to talk to some of their friends while her and Jasper are away. That's not something she'd do if she thought it was hopeless. But don't worry, everyone will be shocked when she returns. Shocked, I say!

There is another path they can smell: a side trip made by Alice before she went away with Jasper. Just like everything else she does, the path is also circuitous. It's the exact word that Meyer choose to use, and the same one I picked earlier in this entry before I realized Meyer used it too. Does that mean Stephenie and I like the same words? This could become a frightening development.

The path leads back to Bella and Edward's cottage. Bella comes to the conclusion that the message is probably just for her, since the paper used to write it on came from one of her books. Bella convinces Edward to let her go in the cottage alone, though even letting her have 30 seconds to herself is almost too much for him to bear. Seriously, Edward wines about this. About letting his wife go inside their house first and not seeing her for less than a minute. Sigh.

Bella goes to check her copy of The Merchant of Venice, and finds a note with a name and address in Seattle, along with the instruction "destroy this." Bella does as she's told, and Edward comes in the house after just 13 seconds, because he couldn't wait any longer to figure out what she was up to. Truly, trust is not the foundation of a good sparklepire relationship. Accordingly, Bella burns the book and lies badly to Edward, who still believes her since he's useless without his mind-reading abilities.

The rest of the family Cullen is feeling slightly better, since Alice seemed to offer a little hope in her note (it would have been nice for Bella to notice this). Everyone is going to go their own way, finding potential allies and showing Renesmee to them...very carefully. We wouldn't want more people freaking out and trying to kill her or threaten to tell the Volturi about her AGAIN.

Renesmee asks Jacob questions about what's going on, since she basically understands but wants his opinion on what's going to happen. Jacob tells her, since he's imprinted on her and gives her whatever she wants. Bella hates this, because she thinks that Renesmee should live a perfect little sheltered life without having any of her questions about bad things answered. I think I'm siding with Jacob on this one.

A downside for Jacob is that he won't be able to hang around as much with all the vampires strolling into town. The combination of "our kid really isn't an immortal child that you should kill on the spot, no really" and "lol, we're also best buds with werewolves" seems like something that might turn off some of their potential vampire allies, so they're going to ease Jacob into things.

Meanwhile, Bella does some Internet research on the name J. Jenks, finding out that he's a lawyer, but that his office address is way different than the one Alice gave her. You know, when I think novels about vampires and werewolves and giant vampire armies that are coming to kill said vampires and werewolves, I know what I want to read about: Google searches!

At the end of the chapter, Renesmee asks (in her way) where Alice is, and it finally makes Bella cry, for the first time as a vampire. The way it's written, I can't help but be reminded of Arnold Schwarzenegger from Terminator 2. "I now know why you cry." Bella thinks that Alice gave her and Renesmee a way out, even though the rest of the family might be doomed.

Obviously, Bella hasn't been reading this series, or else she'd be very calmly waiting out all the "tension" before things magically resolve themselves at the last minute. Spoiler alert: someone does die! But don't worry, it won't be one of the 50 or so characters you actually care about. That would be way too painful, and as Bella pointed out earlier in the chapter, young readers need to be shielded from bad things.