Chapter Thirty-four: End! ENNNNNDDD!

I'm sick. Not of the book, but really sick. Well, I am sick of this book too, but I don't think it's responsible for my runny nose.

Bella gets back home and hears Edward playing the piano, as he's known to do. Bella tries to hide the fact that she did more than just go Christmas shopping for Nessie, but she's pretty sure Edward isn't buying it. Bella also wants to get in some more combat practice with Emmett, since she lost a whole few hours while running her secret errands. But Edward makes her wait until tomorrow.

Apparently, Bella has made some more entirely baseless assumptions about Alice's plans. Now, she's "deduced" that they'll lose to the Volturi, but that it'll be close, which is how Jacob and Renesmee get away. Oh, and since her and Edward will both die, they can be dead together forever. How lovely!

On Christmas, all the werewolves, Bella, Edward and Nessie hang out at Charlie's place. Apparently, all of the werewolves are pumped up for the fight that Bella has deemed hopeless. Way to have confidence in your friends and family, Bella! The ones who have never left you down ever, and -- if you recall -- killed like 20 vampires without a single casualty. And now there are way more vampires and werewolves on your side. Come on, stop being such a pessimistic whiner!

Renesmee's Christmas presents, for anyone who is interested: Bella got her a locket, Edward gave her a fully stocked MP3 player, and Jacob got her a Quileute promise ring (NOT CREEPY, RIGHT?).

Back at Cullen Manor, there's a little scuffle breaking out. Amun is all mad at Carlisle because he wants to leave, while half his coven wants to stay. This all amounts to nothing, since Amun ends up saying he'll stay, but that he'd be open to switching sides if that's what it took to ensure his survival.

Alistair already bolted, and Amun thinks he's the only sane sparklepire in the group. It seems Alistair thinks that no matter what they do, the Volturi will come up with a reason to get what they want, which is not a popular opinion among your rank-and-file sparklepires. I mean, if the sparklepire government is manipulating their own laws, that would be something never before heard of in human history!

Of course, the Romanians love the fact that at least a few people seem to be realizing that the Volturi aren't as good as they pretend to be. I mean, sure, they were evil overlords of the night when they were in charge too, but at least they didn't pretend to be good! Plus, they think this is the best shot they'll have at taking the Volturi down, or at least making them look silly in front of a lot of the vampire world.

Slowly, all the assembled sparkly ones make declarations, most saying that they'll fight, of course. They scoff at the werewolves also saying they'll help, clearly ignoring the fact that the werewolves' record against vampires is pretty damn good so far in these novels.

Later on, Bella thinks about things, which never leads to good results. What, she reasons, if the reason they fail is that everyone thinks Bella can help shield people, but she really can't? And her shield has holes, because Nessie can do her little memory sharing thing with her. But Edward isn't worried -- she's probably just the opposite of her parents. She can give everyone her thoughts, and she can't be blocked by anyone. Everyone will have to see the truth, since there's no blocking her ability to share the truth.

But will that be enough? Given that this is Twilight, there are two possible answers:

1. Yes, and everyone will live happily ever after.
2. No, but everyone will still live happily ever after.

Almost done...almost done.