Chapter Thirty-one: Words you wouldn't use to describe Stephenie Meyer.

See, because the chapter title is "Talented." I'm so clever.

So, everyone gets all rah-rah about standing up to the Volturi. Jacob says that if they won't stop and listen, he and his wolf buddies will kill them. Unlikely, but I like the sentiment!

Eleazar calls Bella a shield, and after Edward determines that this isn't some sort of slang that he should take offense to about his wife, he decides to ask for more information on behalf of the reading audience. Of course, what he means is pretty obvious; she's shielded from most vampire powers. Most impressive of all is the fact that she was able to do this even as a human.

Edward says that he never thought of Bella's ability as a shield before. Really? Is there even another word that would accurately describe what she does?

Turns out there are other shields, too. For instance, the Volturi have a gal named Renata who protects Aro. If you attempt to attack Aro or her, you somehow end up heading in another direction, confused about what you were trying to do in the first place. I have to say, that's a pretty nifty power, and a neat party trick when you're not busy stopping someone from killing your boss.

The others begin to wonder if Bella could project her ability onto others. Gee, I wonder if that will help save the day in the end? Nah. We also learn about some other vampires and their powers, like Kate, who can run electricity over her skin to zap people. That's actually a bit of projection on her part, as she originally could only zap with her hands. Bella wants to learn too, so that she can save everyone at the critical moment in the plot, of course.

Edward invades Eleazar's thoughts, and then has him share with the whole room. It seems that even he can't understand why exactly the Volturi would send everyone to punish the Cullens. They might send out a few more sparklepires than normal thanks to the large, talented clan the Cullens have, but that wouldn't require everyone to join the party.

But Eleazar noticed a pattern at his time with the Volturi. It seems that Aro is a sneaky bastard, and when he shows up to punish a coven, he just happens to pardon one or two of their most talented sparklepires and take them into the flock rather than killing them. And what do you know, they're the same ones he had noted as being especially talented and interesting beforehand!

Oh, more vampire powers explained: the Volturi have a vampire named Chelsea, who is favored to win the English Premier League this year, though Manchester United and Arsenal are also contenders. Alright, that's a different Chelsea. This one is the daughter of a former US President, who just got married. No, wait, that's yet another Chelsea. THIS Chelsea can make bonds between people looser or tighter, breaking covens apart and keeping the Volturi in line.

Okay, so there is a point to all of this (eventually). Aro wants to come to acquire some of the Cullens for his team. The Cullens have all sorts of cool powers and will resist, so he wants the entire guard for protection during the inevitable fight. If he takes the entire guard, then everyone who stays in Volterra is in danger; someone might try to have a little coup de sparklepire while they're gone. So instead, everyone comes together for a trip to the exciting Pacific Northwest!

All signs point to Aro really wanting Alice, with Edward and Bella both being very interesting -- if secondary -- targets. It seems that the Volturi had already decided to come after them, but were just waiting for some sort of pretext so that it looked fair to the sparklepire population at large. People in power abusing said power for their own personal gain? WELL, I NEVER!

As the chapter ends, Peter and Charlotte show up, meaning Alice kept her promise to find more friends and send them back home. Looks like we're gearing up for a big fight in Forks! It'll never happen, but we can at least pretend it could -- that might make the last nine chapters just a little more bearable.