Chapter Thirty-two: Guess who's coming to dinner? Vampires, of course.

Yes, there are lots and lots of vampires in Cullen Manor, but it's okay, because like, they're sparklepires, and they can't get uncomfortable! Plus, nobody needs a room, since they don't need to sleep. Being a Twilight vampire comes with all sorts of perks.

Dinner is a problem, since most of the guests insist on eating human. The rules of the house are that you can hunt, but you have to do it outside of Washington. Bella decides this is okay, because they'd be hunting somewhere, even if it wasn't in their neck of the woods. You are a woman of great moral fortitude, Mrs. Cullen.

Jacob is described as "upset" by this, because his whole job as a werewolf is to NOT let vampires kill people. But they're hunting just outside of the pack's borders, and it's all for Renesmee, so whatever, right? It's all good.

Speaking of the little mutant baby, everyone loves her. We get a lot of exposition here about all the different vampires coming in from around the world, and how they take a minute or two to decide that Renesmee is not an immortal child, and that they'll stand against the Volturi. That second part seems like a much tougher sell, but inevitably, it works.

Many of the visiting vampires have unique skills, since you're a pretty shitty sparklepire if you don't have at least one magic power. Most of them are pretty irrelevant, but since some of the powers might prove to be relevant, let's do a quick rundown:

• There's Maggie, from Ireland, who can tell immediately if she's being lied to. That make it pretty easy for her family to believe all the Renesmee crap.
• Some vampires from Egypt show up. The older ones don't like Nessie, but a younger one, Benjamin, has the power to physically manipulate the elements. He's basically Sparklepire Planet without the Planeteers.
  
• There are some singular nomads that show up, including Garrett, an adventurer who is willing to take any challenge he can find.
  
• Alistair comes in from England and mostly just sits in the corner listening to Linkin Park and being all emo. But he's a tracker, for the record.
• A couple of Amazonian women show up. Apparently, Alice was in South America, in case you'd forgotten about her. The book is just begging you to be curious about what she's up to! One of them, Zafrina, can make entirely convincing illusions that effect everyone...except Bella, of course. Renesmee finds this ability really, really fun. Pretty pictures, yay!

Does this seem like a bit much? Don't worry, even Meyer realizes this, because she makes a note of Jacob not being able to keep everyone straight. And then footnotes a reference to an index in the back of the book. Yes, the author can't even trust the reader to remember all of the characters -- always the sign of a great novel.

Bella starts getting fighting lessons from Edward, but they don't go well. He can't bear to think of his wife as a target! Even if it might save her life! Sigh. He suggests she find another teacher. She finds a bunch, as it seems just about everyone is happy to teach her how to fight.

Luckily, other people are actually trying to teach her something useful, like how to project her shield to help cover other people. This way, Bella can help without getting herself killed! It may not satisfy her ridiculous martyr complex, but it's something. Vampire Kate tries to zap Edward, while Bella tries to protect him. Edward gets zapped, because Bella fails. Rinse and repeat!

But, of course, she eventually starts to get it to work. But Kate thinks she could do better with the proper motivation, and wants to bring Nessie in on the fun. This understandably doesn't go over well with Bella, but it turns out that everyone else was in on it together; Kate just walked up threateningly, Bella managed to get the shield over Nessie, and then Edward could verify that by his inability to read her mind. No harm done, though Bella is still angry about this very helpful exercise that never put her child into any danger.

Next, Zafrina tries to do the illusion thing, and Bella manages to protect both Edward and Renesmee from it. This is totally the book version of a cheesy 80's training montage. Just imagine "You're the Best Around" playing, sub in some vampires for Pat Morita, and you've more or less got it.

Skipping ahead a bit (this chapter is far too long for its own good), a couple of Romanian vampires show up, eager to go up against the Volturi. They don't even care what's up, they just want to see the Volturi get what's coming to them. See, they used to be the head sparklepire honchos before the Volturi overthrew them around 1,500 years ago, so they want revenge. They're even pretty happy to see all the neat abilities the collected vampires have, since it might mean they even have a chance.

In total, we have 28 vampires, which Bella thinks is the largest non-Volturi group of friendly vampires ever. Will it be enough to slow the Volturi down for a minute and let them realize that Renesmee is a different kind of freak than the illegal kind? Will the Romanians get to piss on the Volturi's graves? Only a few more chapters before we find out!