Epilogue: It's over, it's mercifully over!

Bella and the Cullens are back in school, and everything is back to normal for our heroine...except for the fact that she misses Jacob, a lot. He's her best friend, in so much that he won't answer her phone calls and she never sees him. Edward's okay with this for obvious reasons, but it's really bugging Bella, so Edward tries to give some reluctant insight into the situation.

Here goes: werewolves and vampires? They're not best friends. It's a secret that nobody had mentioned up until this point, but it's true. Jacob wants to keep a safe distance from Edward, and Edward feels the same way. In fact, Edward is worried that if things got heated, he might accidentally kill Jacob. Or at least hurt him. Or kill him. But he'd try not to. On purpose.

Then, out of nowhere, Jacob shows up at Bella's house! But it's not a friendly visit; he brings over Bella's bike, which is sure to piss off Charlie. I can't imagine why Charlie wouldn't want his klutzy daughter flying around the streets of Forks and La Push, but apparently, he doesn't trust her not to accidentally kill herself.

Before dealing with Charlie, it turns out that Jacob is still around and wants to speak with Edward -- in the role of pack spokeswolf. It turns out Jacob planned to get Bella grounded so that she couldn't spend time with Edward, not knowing that she was already grounded, and that was why she hadn't been down to visit lately. Oops. Also, Edward is telling Bella about Jacob's thoughts before he can even say them, which is slightly annoying.

Edward tries to make up for it though, thanking Jacob for keeping Bella alive in his absence. Edward means this sincerely, because he knows just how hard a job that is! Bella could have died in the middle of this conversation if neither of them were standing just a few feet away. Edward offers anything Jacob wants in return, but the only thing Jacob wants is for Edward to go far, far away, which Edward won't do unless Bella wants him to. Hint: she doesn't. People in these novels sure like to promise "anything" right before backing down from that immediately. Come on people, back up your promises!

Jacob is really there to remind Edward of some of the points in the Cullen-Quileute treaty. For instance, the Cullens aren't allowed to bite a human at all, even if they don't kill them. Edward reacts angrily, after which Jacob realizes what they must be planning...meaning he didn't know beforehand. Nicely done, Edward, way to spill the vampginity beans. Jacob almost loses it and wolfs out, but manages to hold on.

Just then, Charlie starts screaming. Bella's in trouble! Time for the supernatural brigade to scram, but not before they point out that Victoria hasn't been around since the whole Italy incident, and they fight over who gets to kill Victoria if/when she returns.

In summary: as the novel ends, Charlie is pissed, an evil vampire lady wants to kill Bella, her best friend doesn't want to talk to her, and the Volturi may also want to kill her in the not so distant future. But you see, everything is okay, because Edward is around to sparkle with her.

And...it's over. Finally! I'll write up a review of New Moon tomorrow. It won't be pretty. Then, it's on to Eclipse, book three of four...as Bon Jovi might say: woah, we're halfway there.