Chapter Thirteen: I'll take a small blood, in a sippy cup.

The vampires have a lot of important philosophical debates about how Bella should be given some drinking blood. Should they warm it up? What color should the cup be? For something that could save her life, they're sure taking their time hammering out the details.

In the meantime, Jacob keeps Bella company. She's surprised to find that Leah is hanging out with Jacob now, since Leah has never been a fan of the vampires. Jacob doesn't tell her all the sordid details, but assures Bella that Leah probably won't come in and kill her in her sleep.

Finally, Bella gets her cup of blood, complete with a bendy straw! Everyone is concerned that she won't want to drink it, but she promises to try. She sniffs it and recoils...not because it smells bad, but because it smells good. Then she takes a sip and moans...because she's embarrassed that it tastes good, too. Bella wants to know if this will count against her record of drinking from humans; Edward says they'll have to consult the judges later.

Bella sucks down the whole cup, and it immediately makes her feel better, because that's just how blood works. She has more color, better breathing, more strength! With Bella on the mend, she decides she wants some eggs with her blood -- it's a traditional vampo-human delicacy.

Satisfied that Bella won't be dying in the next few minutes, Jacob wanders off to finally get some sleep. But no dice -- he hears Seth and Leah howling, and has to phase to have a wolf-chat with them. Seems that three other wolves are headed their way. They eventually realize that it's one wolf-person back in human form, along with three still being their wolfy selves. It doesn't seem like an attack, but they're probably not here to challenge the vampires to a game of baseball either.

Jared is the one in human form, while Quil, Paul and Collin stay back as wolves. It seems they all want Jacob to come back into the fold. They're even willing to slow down their "murdering Bella" plan. Instead, they'll just maaaaybe kill the baby if it's a threat. Maybe! Actually, a perceptive Leah thinks she knows the real plan: wait for Bella to die, then let a pissed off Jacob lead the attack. Sneaky!

There's a little aside here to talk about werewolf nudity. No, really. You see, it really wasn't a big deal for the pack when they were all boys. Slightly awkward and sometimes hilarious? Sure, but nothing they couldn't handle. Then Leah came along, and that made things weird. It was fun to watch her be all nude, of course, but less fun when she caught you thinking about it to the rest of the pack. Fun times!

In the end, Jacob explains his decision to the old pack: he's not just there to protect Bella anymore. He'll protect anyone that should be protected, and that includes some of the vampires, too. I mean, if they want to specifically kill Rosalie, that's negotiable. But Carlisle, no sir! Jared tries to guilt Seth and Leah to come back to the pack with the old "your mom is worried sick, especially with your father being dead and stuff" trick, but it doesn't work.

Then Jared really pulls out the big guns on Leah. He tells her that the pack wants her pack, and that Sam really, really wants her. He even uses Sam's old nickname for Leah, the very imaginative "Lee-Lee." But rather than getting Leah to feel sympathetic, it causes her to mentally throw a string of obscenities at Jared.

And at that point, Operation Win Back Some Wolves is at an end. Jared agrees to take a message back to Sam: leave the Cullens alone, and at least for the time being, stay in La Push so that there aren't any accidental brawls or disembowelings. Before they leave, Quil scampers up to say goodbye to Jacob, and the two of them basically make out (at least according to Leah) before the old pack wanders off.

In summary, the werewolf stuff has somehow managed to be even more boring than the vampire stuff or the Bella pregnancy. This book has definitely hit a low point -- will it recover?

Oh, yes, yes it will. In ways you can't possibly imagine.