Chapter Fourteen: Vampire Hospitality

It seems the Cullens feel they owe the werewolves a debt of gratitude, because they do all sorts of nice things for Jacob, Seth and Leah in this chapter. In fact, that's pretty much all that happens.

WHY WON'T YOU END, JACOB SECTION OF THIS BOOK? ARGH!

Ahem. So, we start with Edward laying out some new clothes for Jacob, who tore up the last of his phasing during the previous chapter. For the moment, there's a sense of normality; Bella is full of energy/human blood, and the vampires are milling about instead of looking entirely morose. Bella looks really, really happy to see Jacob, which pisses him off. She's married, how could she possibly be happy to see him, too? Doesn't she know how much he wants to completely stay away from his best friend and never see her again? What nerve she has.

In other news, Edward can hear Jacob from farther away now (he's getting used to reading his mind), and Jacob enjoys making blond jokes at Rosalie's expense. I imagine that Stephenie Meyer literally typed "blond jokes" into Google and picked out a few to use for this "subplot."

Jacob really, really wants to go to sleep, but Edward has one last thing to ask him about. It seems that Esme's motherly instinct has set in, and that she feels really bad about Jacob's mini-pack being essentially homeless. She wants them to have all the comforts of home -- the human food they keep around, smelly vampire clothes, or anything else they need. Jacob isn't sure the wolves will really want to take the vampire hand-me-downs, but he politely says thanks for the offer, and prepares to finally, FINALLY go to sleep.

And then they hear Bella make a painful moan, and it's back in the house for our supernatural heroes. Seems that the little baby inside of Bella has gotten stronger along with her, and that it's kicking -- hard enough to break a rib. Bella needs to go take an X-ray, leaving Jacob downstairs, where he meets up with Alice. At that point, he notices that Alice hasn't been around Bella at all, which is strange, considering they're vffs and all.

Turns out that Alice hasn't been hanging around Bella because she has a headache. In a strange way, I can see the Bella/Alice shipper crowd seeing this as innuendo, but in reality, it's the fetus. Something about it doesn't let Alice get a good view on it or Bella, and even when she tries really hard to concentrate, she can only see a few minutes out. Jacob is actually a bit of a relief for Alice; since she can't see anything to do with him anyway, it lets her clear her head for a bit and relax. He's like her very own ibuprofen!

Jacob finally gets to sleep, for about half a page. He wakes up, only to smell lots of food. Human food! Human breakfast foods, which are, in general, the most delicious of all foods. Esme is serving breakfast, which Seth -- who came to check on Jacob -- is partaking in with much enthusiasm. Turns out Edward is quite the chef! Seth's also been keeping Bella warm, which Jacob is totally not at all in any way jealous, because she doesn't belong to him, and he is NOT JEALOUS, OKAY?

Turns out Jacob slept all night and into the next morning, which is why everyone's enjoying their meal together. Even Bella is having an omelet, albeit with a blood chaser. Seth tried to give food to Leah, but no matter how scrumptious it is -- and Seth assures us that it's really quite good -- Leah won't have any of it. Jacob seems a little reluctant too, but he's very, very hungry, so he'd have to be a real idiot not to give in soon. I mean, they have cinnamon rolls!

Jacob says he'll go hunting with Leah, which reminds Carlisle of some pressing business. It's about time for the Cullens to hunt, and he doesn't want to accidentally start a turf war with the La Pushers. So he asks Jacob for some insight into what Sam might be planning. After suggesting that the Cullens will probably be fine, but should go in the opposite direction of La Push just in case, the plan becomes to go in shifts of three, so that Bella isn't completely unguarded and the hunting party can defend itself, too. Alice can even tell which paths might be dangerous, since those ones will disappear as soon as werewolves become a possibility.

In the meantime, Esme has prepared even more food -- she's really getting into the worried mother thing with Jacob. She sends Jacob out with a platter of food, which he promises to take to Leah even though he actually plans to dump it under a tree somewhere. Really, Jacob? Can't even eat any food that's been in the same room as a vampire? Get over yourself!

Bella wants to know if Jacob will be coming back, but he doesn't make any promises. Esme makes him take some clothes -- freshly washed as to have as little vampire smell as possible on them -- to Leah. Feeling his guilt rise to critical levels, Jacob runs out of the house, right before Esme can tell him to bundle up before he catches a cold, or before Carlisle can remind him to call his grandmother.

Only four more first-wolf-perspective chapters to go. We can do this, guys!