Chapter Thirty-six: Oh look, more vampires.

Okay, I hate this chapter, because it feels extraordinarily cheap to me, even for this series. Before we get into what happens in this chapter (and beyond), let's remember the problems with dealing with the Volturi:

1. The Volturi are going to be enraged about what they believe to be an immortal child. They are extremely unlikely to even pretend to listen to whatever the Cullens say, which is why they had to amass a virtual army of vampires just to try to get the Volturi to slow down for a few seconds and listen, otherwise it would be instant death with no conversation, debate, or discussion.
2. Aro wants what he wants. Even if they get the Volturi to slow down -- which, remember, would be a minor miracle in itself -- Aro is likely to come up with excuses with which to collect Edward, Alice (were she to be there), and possibly Bella and/or Renesmee.
   

Remember, this is what we've been told for the second half of this book: the Volturi are going to rush in, dispense judgment, and that's that. So, what happens?

The Volturi slowly reveal themselves, with the guard slowly giving way to their leadership. To quote Meyer:

Their progress was slow but deliberate, with no hurry, no tension, no anxiety. It was the pace of the invincible.

The problem is not that this is unrealistic. In fact, it's exactly what one does when they believe they are in a position of certain victory in case of conflict, whether that be in a war or in a game: you take your time, consolidate your position, and then win. No need to force things when that might lead to mistakes that give your enemies a chance to win.

The problem is that this is exactly the opposite of how we've been told the Volturi would act by every source in this book. You can't do that! You can't tell us the Volturi are going to act one way, which is a big problem, and then have them act exactly in the way that gives your plan a chance!

Sigh.

Anyway, there are 32 Volturi, as well as another 40 or so vampires there as witnesses for the Volturi, more or less; once they see justice dispensed, they can go tell the world about it. Also, they might get the chance to kill and fight and burn things, which is always fun. Irina is there too, not really feeling like a part of either group.

Edward reads the minds of Aro and Caius. It seems that they have a complex strategy, where if Irina's accusation is proven false, they'll come up with another reason to kill the Cullens. Which means they never intended not to listen; they only intended to win no matter what was said. Which is completely different that what we've been told by everyone for the last 300 pages. Granted, we were told they would eventually try to find any excuse that fit even if the Cullens could make them listen, but the really, really hard part was supposed to be getting them to listen at all...which apparently, the Volturi planned to do all along. Sigh.

The wolves come, and now there are 17 of them, because with so many vampires hanging out with the Cullens, it was inevitable that more kids would get called up from the minors to join the pack. The fact that these kids are generally really young, barely teenagers, would be really sad if I thought they were in any danger at all.

The Volturi stop to consider what to do should it come to a battle, since (not counting their witnesses), they're actually outnumbered for a change, and don't recognize some of their opponents. Carlisle takes the opportunity to chat up Aro a bit.

Aro brings up the immortal child issue, though he seems a little sad about having to kill Carlisle. But Carlisle points out the good news -- he doesn't have to be killed at all, for Nessie is just a freakish, mutant child, and not a tiny vampire!

Caius doesn't take well to this, and brings up Irina to identify Renesmee. Which she does, but she also points out that Renesmee has obviously grown since the last time she saw her. Thus, not a vampire. Oops.

There's a lot of confusion as to just what the hell is going on here, so Aro calls up Edward to read all of his memories. Edward goes out to meet Aro, and Jane makes a little smirk, which pisses off Bella. This incites Bella to throw her shield out further than ever before, reaching Edward way out where he's about to give his memories to Aro. Of course, this would be a bad thing, so she pulls it back. But now she knows she's a superpowered sparklepire after all. Of course she is.

Aro reads Edward's mind for a bit, and then realizes that something very different has happened here. Given that he's thousands of years old, and that his first reaction to everything he saw is described as "amused," I sure hope Aro didn't spend too much time in Edward's mind watching him and Bella sleeping together, because that would be way creepy.

Aro wants to meet Renesmee, and eventually all parties agree to this. Bella, Jacob and Emmett come too, as do a few of the Volturi, just to make sure everyone feels secure. Jane is jealous that Aro got Bella a present (the necklace, which she is wearing). Oh, girls.

Aro is amazed about everything, and sees Renesmee as a new chapter in sparklepire history, while Caius still wants to kill shit. Aro calms him down for a moment, then had Renesmee touch him, and sees everything. He tells Renesmee he's not going to hurt anyone, but everyone else is pretty sure that's a lie.

Aro makes some comments about the wolves. Edward reads his mind, and sees that he'd like to keep them as, like, guard dogs or something. Edward informs him that it doesn't quite work that way, no matter how loyal they may be to the Cullens. The whole eating people thing would probably be a dealbreaker when working with the Volturi, you know?

So now Aro is thoroughly perplexed as to what he should do. He needs some time to think it over and come up with a new strategy. If only he had the end of a chapter to give him a short break...hey, look, there's one right now!