So, Jacob finds himself in a situation so ridiculous that, to him, it feels like he's in a really bad sitcom. No, Jacob, you're in a really bad book! It's completely different, because you're not on TV. He rejects the idea of asking Bella for occasional procreational sex, and instead simply tries to get her to see reason...even though he knows she won't listen to him.
Edward gets Rosalie to agree to leave the room so that Jacob and Bella can have some private time. Jacob starts off on the right foot by telling the pregnant woman that she looks hideous. Sadly, this is about the high point of his diplomatic prowess. Jacob gives Bella an "I told you so," and Bella responds with a line that she (and therefore, Stephenie Meyer) blatantly steals from The Simpsons.
Jacob admits that he knows he really can't win this argument, but that doesn't mean he can't get angry about it! But Bella really thinks things will turn out okay, because of magic. No, I'm not simplifying the argument she gave or saying it's the equivalent of magic; she literally says she believes in magic and that it'll all work out because werewolves and vampires exist. The end. Conversely, Jacob repeatedly tells Bella that she's going to die a gruesome, horrible death, all for nothing. Jacob isn't really known for his bedside manner, but this is even worse than usual.
On the other hand, Bella has a plan. Just keep her heart beating, and then get all sparkly at the last possible moment. It's pretty much a tradition in the Cullen family, and she wants to take part just like everyone else did. But Jacob is afraid she'll wait until it's too late, and wants her to listen to the family doctor rather than bring her horrific mutant baby into the world. Bella won't have any of it though; even though the ultrasound won't work on her crazy vampire fetus, she's convinced she has a bouncing baby boy inside of her just waiting to come out and NOT kill her.
They argue for a few pages, and honestly, it's really repetitive. Guess what? Bella wants to keep baby and hope she won't die! Jacob wants Bella to live and not keep baby! Who knew?
Getting nowhere, Jacob decides to audible back to the play Edward wanted to call in the first place. He brings up the point that Bella could later have another baby that wouldn't kill her so much. Bella is almost perceptive, but as usual, doesn't quite get there: she figures out that this came from Edward, but thinks the alternative under discussion is artificial insemination.
Eventually though, Jacob gets the point across without resorting to actually telling Bella what he means. And, as is par for the course in Twilight, Bella doesn't freak out even though she'd clearly have every right to do so. Instead, she finds the whole idea of having Jacob impregnate her for her own good sort of sweet. Wow, both Edward and Jacob would really do anything for her! Including sharing her on alternate nights so that she can have protected vampire sex, and wild unprotected procreational werewolf sex! Everyone loves her, literally!
But this perfect arrangement won't work, because Bella can't hurt the little baby inside of her, which she's absolutely sure must be a boy. Apparently, this is the last straw for Jacob for no particular reason, because he proceeds to leave after telling Bella that he only stopped by to make sure she was alive, and that he's not going to hang around and watch her freak-baby kill her. Part of Jacob tries to get him to stay -- you see, she's a girl, and he kind of likes her and stuff -- but he pulls himself away and leaves without speaking to any of the vampires.
Phasing back into his wolf form, Jacob is immediately greeted by the rest of the La Push pack. All of whom can see his thoughts. And he can see all of their reactions to learning about the mutant monster growing inside Bella. To quote the book:
So, remember how the pack was so lenient when it came to the actual letter of the treaty, with Bella being bitten of her own free will? Well, throw that precedent out the window, because now the pack wants to kill the baby, even though I'm 100% sure "weird-ass mutant half-vampire babies" weren't covered under the terms of their agreement with the Cullens. But screw that, let's go kill us a baby!
!!!!
But Jacob isn't so keen to kill Bella and the beast. Sam commands that everyone fall in line on the plan to kill a human (remember when they were against that?) and fighting the Cullens (and that, too?), including Jacob, who they need if they want to succeed. Jacob says no, but he's not the Alpha, so he pretty much can't fight back. He, with his friends Quil and Embry, have the biggest job -- fighting Jasper and Emmett. Finally, it's time for some good old werewolf vs. vampire violence!
And if you believe that's going to happen, you really haven't been paying attention.
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