Chapter Thirty-five: Small talk is not exciting.

Wow, this chapter is way longer than it needs to be. To make up for it, I'm going to make the review of this chapter as short as it deserves to be.

Bella heads out to pick up her fake documents -- the ones for Jacob and Renesmee -- from Jenks. They spend a few pages on small talk, including Jenks for some reason thinking that Bella might be wanting to kidnap Nessie from Edward. This accusation doesn't further the plot, adds nothing to the meeting, and is entirely unnecessary. But this book wasn't long enough yet, so why not pad it a little? We're only on page 670.

Bella gets home, and the house is mostly empty. She takes the time to go into Alice and Jasper's room and grab stuff that Jacob and Nessie can use. Like cash. How much cash, you ask?

I raided their petty cash, taking about twice the yearly income from the average American household.

Way to make this book timeless by not mentioning an exact dollar amount, but just describing the money as an amount that will always seem like a huge sum to most of your readers! It's not like there are hundreds of other technological, social, and pop culture references that date the books to the early 21st century, or anything.

Bella thinks it would be nice if Alice and Jasper could hook up with Jacob and Renesmee after everyone else is slaughtered (which, remember, is totally going to happen, right?), but Alice can't see into either of their lives. She can see Bella, so she makes a big production about writing RIO DE JANEIRO on a piece of stationary, and hopes Alice will see it. She then puts the note in the bottom of the bag she packed for Renesmee, hoping Jacob will see it. A foolproof plan, if ever there was one.

Around New Year's, the Cullens start preparing the clearing -- you know, that big one where half of the important events in this series have happened for some reason -- and have their witnesses come in formation to be ready when the Volturi arrive. Bella and Renemee say their I love yous, and Bella tells her daughter to run when Bella says so.

There's some talk about where everyone is standing. The gist of it is that Bella is standing near their best threats, so that she can protect them for as long as possible. Vampires without useful powers get to stand far, far away from Bella and wear red shirts.

The werewolves show up. Everyone waits. Then they see the Volturi coming, and the chapter ends.

The good news? Things will actually happen in the next couple chapters! Maybe not as much as you and I want to happen, but a few things, I swear. At least there's a little action. A very little.